We see things very differently. She sees real features an identifies their actual species. After over twenty years learning about photography, I now see features an ask, “I wonder if I could develop that into something that has visual impact.” I see what is, but also more of what might become.
It was a bland and blustery afternoon.
“Let’s go for a walk by the river,” she said.
“Ok,” I said, silently thinking, “Why?” and, “No!”
“You need the exercise,” she said, reading my expression.
“How true, and how kind …” I might have thought on a less bland and less blustery afternoon.
We walked by the river doing what we often do. She plays adult Where’s Wally looking for birds, bees, butterflies, and wild flowers, and I look for potential photographs.
We see things very differently. She sees real features and identifies their actual species. After over twenty years learning about photography, I now see features and ask, “I wonder if I could develop that into something that has visual impact.” I see what is, but also more of what might become.
Continue reading “Using Free Apps for Visual Drama”
Contrary to what we may want to think, there is no law written into the fabric of the universe that says I must be treated fairly, kindly, and considerately and it is completely intolerable if this doesn’t happen.
Contrary to popular opinion, anger isn’t really a problem. Anger is just a normal emotion. It is as much a part of being a sentient human being as love or grief or anxiety. When we are angry is shows that something we care about is being frustrated or threatened in some way. The problem isn’t anger.
However, the problem might be: the extent of the anger, the frequency of the anger, the duration of the anger, how we choose to express the anger.
Being overtaken on a dangerous road didn’t perhaps merit that level of rage that happens a lot and goes on for ages and can result in me wanting to catch up with the driver and hit him/her. But being temporarily angered that a reckless driver may have put my life in danger is a reasonable human response. Continue reading “Conquer Anger Problems With Four Simple Truths”
Excessive anxiety is a misuse of imagination. Using truth to challenge the lies we tell ourselves can help us bring excessive anxiety down to levels that we will almost certainly cope with.
There’s a lot of anxiety about and it gets everywhere. The executive who is anxious about going to the management meeting and speaking, or the traffic accident victim afraid to drive or cross the road, or the parent afraid to go to the school gates and face teachers or fellow parents.
Of course, in many cases it is a normal response and doesn’t become excessive. It might be strange if we didn’t feel slightly worried about delivering a public speech to an audience of hundreds, or when moving house or job, or when crossing a road following a road accident. Anxiety only becomes dysfunctional for us when it becomes too frequent, too prolonged, too disproportionately intense for the situation.
An Honorable History
The good news is that anxiety serves a purpose, and in evolutionary terms, has an honourable history. When we sense a threat to us in any way we are hard-wired to fight, flee, or freeze. The amygdala in our brain delivers this primitive core function with conviction, and without it the human race would never have evolved, or wouldn’t have survived for long if it did.
However, as humans, we are no longer completely ruled by instinctive responses. We have the pre-frontal cortex to use reason, assess the risk, and overrule our instincts when necessary.
Excessive anxiety is caused by us listening to our instinctive alarm system and not putting it into context. There are three things to do to help us get a true perspective on the alarming messages. Continue reading “Three Effective Tools To Cut Anxiety”
Understand that the fear is genuine. Patients don’t wake up and say: “I know what I’ll do today. I’ll pretend to have a fear just to be awkward.” The look of terror isn’t good acting. In many cases, there may be sound reasons behind the fear relating to previous traumas.
“…the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War
Advice for all medical staff when confronted with a patient who has a needle phobia. (Written by a psychotherapist who has a deep-seated needle phobia.)
- Smile and look sympathetic. Don’t look annoyed or judgemental. Having a face that says, “You stupid fool! Why are you being so awkward and complicating my day!” doesn’t put the patient at ease or keep the retreating veins near the surface. Go on, show a bit of compassion for someone in genuine fear.
- Understand that the fear is genuine. Patients don’t wake up and say: “I know what I’ll do today. I’ll pretend to have a fear just to be awkward.” The look of terror isn’t good acting. In many cases, there may be sound reasons behind the fear relating to previous traumas.
- Make sure you don’t make things even worse. In some cases the phobia has been made stronger by numerous unhappy repeated experiences. Work to make sure that this occasion challenges the awful experience rather than reinforces it. Continue reading “Meeting Needle Phobia”
Now both men and women can expect to live at least another 20 years once the children have departed, and more and more women are deciding to leave the relationship and try to get their legitimate needs met elsewhere.
If you are a female, please try not to get too irritated by the seemingly arrogant presumptions of a male writer. Of course, I don’t really know what women want. However, in my professional practice as a therapist I have worked with lots of couples over the years, and as I wind down for the summer and sup my iced lattes, I have been reflecting on patterns. (I am obviously aware that not all couples are heterosexual, but my observations here relate only to them.) Some men, take note. The things listed below are really important. Even as you sit reading this, device in one hand and beer in the other, their presence or absence is strengthening or corroding your relationship. Continue reading “What Do Women Really Want?”
“No one ‘builds a house,” Tim Urban writes. “They lay one brick again and again and the end result is a house. Procrastinators are great visionaries — they love to fantasize about the beautiful mansion they will one day have built — but what they need to be are gritty construction workers, who methodically lay one brick after the other, day after day, without giving up, until a house is built.”
The lawn sat there accusingly, waiting to be cut. And it refused to go away or cut itself. The pile of bills sat there waiting to be paid. They wouldn’t pay themselves, and certainly didn’t do self-filing.
All procrastination is avoidance. It is a supposed coping strategy to help us face the future. However, as we know, procrastination can make the future worse rather than better. The long grass eventually clogged up the lawn mower. The black bills turned into red demands. Continue reading “11 Sure Ways to Beat Procrastination”